Sharing My Story Of Loss and Honoring Yours
Did you know that October is the nationally recognized month of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness? Megan and I want to honor each and every one of you that have been through pregnancy or infant loss. I know there are not words that ease the pain of loss, but most importantly, I want you to know you are not alone. Which is why it is time to share my story.
Dean and I found out on Thursday, November 9th of last year that we were pregnant. I had a feeling, but when that first positive test came back, we couldn’t believe it. I had actually just been at a birth for a doula client a little over a week prior and I felt different leaving that birth. I couldn't articulate it, but something just felt different. July 17th was our guess date. We had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and sure enough, this was happening! Things were moving along for Haumea, too! Megan and I had signed a lease and preparations began for Haumea's build out. I had so much to look forward to, both personally and professionally!
Over the next few weeks, my body, mind, spirit and heart went through the worst possible experience I could ever imagine. If anyone knows me, becoming a mother is something I have always wanted. I will keep those details deeply etched in my heart and mind for the rest of my life. I had no idea how incredibly painful, both mentally and physically, the whole process would be.
Opening Haumea's doors just a few months later was incredibly healing for me. It was something for me to focus on, amidst the intense grief. When the timing felt right, I have shared my story with my Haumea Ohana, and each and every time, I am blown away by the love and compassion from others. I have found out that I am not alone.
Since that time, our guess date of July 17th has come and gone. I have taught countless prenatal classes and mama baby classes... many of these having guess dates or baby's birthdays right around what was supposed to be our guess date. I have attended two births as a doula. I often wonder what life would be like had we not experienced the loss, but all I can do is move forward, honor the memory and hold space for others when they go down this path.
If you have experienced early pregnancy or infant loss, I would like to invite you to join me at the 9th Annual Forever in Our Hearts Remembrance Day on October 19th. This Remembrance Day is hosted by Mikayla's Grace to honor families who have lost babies through pregnancy, stillbirth, or in early infancy. You can click here to buy tickets.
I do want to recognize and thank my husband, Dean, for the love and unwavering support throughout this experience. Our love is truly something special and I am so grateful for you. Secondly, I want to thank Megan. Opening Haumea's doors was a true labor of love and she really stepped up to move things along while I was recovering. I have said this before, but I have hit the jackpot in having Megan as my partner in opening Haumea.
At Haumea, we will be creating a Butterfly Wall to honor babies lost too soon. Feel free to join me in adding a butterfly to our wall to honor and recognize your loss.
Please know that you are not alone and I am here for you any time you want to talk.